Loss of sexual desire is a common problem and the causes can greatly vary. Often, the root cause is psychological and be a result of anxiety, depression, trauma, loss of trust or feelings of safety, or even when a person feels undesired by their partner. But there are actually several potential culprits that could be causing this effect.
Loss of libido can be caused by biological changes in the body such as hormone imbalance or the effects of an illness. Stage-of-life changes, such as menopause, can biologically and psychologically impact the sexual health of women, this is because of symptoms related to hormonal imbalances which are prevalent during this stage. Surgical menopause (medically termed hysterectomy), can also cause loss of libido, due to the removal of key female organs which make up part of a system implicated in the production and regulation of sex hormones.
Similar results can be experienced by men who have had urological problems. Often these situations are treated with hormone replacement therapy to compensate for the body’s deficiency of hormone production.
Another culprit in the loss of libido, can be certain medications, such as for hypertension or certain mood stabilizers. Luckily, there are ways to counterbalance these side effects and your doctor can direct you on the best path to take for you.
Parenthood is also known to be a source of low libido. This typically happens when the marriage is already strained and cannot sustain under the demands that a newborn can have on the couple. Couples without children are not off the hook though. What frequently ends up happening, is when people stay together for a while, and because humans have an innate capacity to habituate to their environment, they become used to their partner who no longer are novelty to them. Generally, speaking, this is mostly a problem when we stop working on our relationships. For instance, we can learn to adopt the idea of doing things differently to create novelty in the relationship.
Having some individual space between partners is important to maintain the vitality of desire. This means you and your partner could begin a new hobby separately from each other, for instance. Seeking to do something that excites you, so that when you come home your excitement will make you look interesting again or attractive to your partner, which can in turn get you excited about the relationship again.
Exercise is also key to promoting increased libido, and the lack of it can have the opposite effect, especially in combination with other health problems or chronic stress. Even moderate amounts of weekly exercise can improve your circulation throughout your entire body, and maintain healthy levels of testosterone production, a natural aphrodisiac, in both males and females.
Foreplay should be included in the maintenance or repair of loss of libido. Foreplay is a great way to stimulate blood flow and to build excitement. Foreplay promotes the release of oxytocin which in turn promotes increased desire, and empathy towards your partner. Couples can make time to foreplay and it does not need to end in a grand-finally. The practice of making time to be sexually intimate will establish connection, and reactivate your body’s natural healthy response to sex. And sex goes like this, the more you do it, the more you want it, and the better it gets to be for you.
Hormone therapy for increased libido may be an option for some people, but everyone’s sexuality can benefit from a decrease of daily stress, working on your relationships, and practicing overall healthy habits.
Everyone is unique and so is their sexuality. Therefore, there is not a one size fits all recipe for healthy sexuality or hot sex. As humans, we might share common aspects of sex practices, however, each individual will have his or her own twist and most definitely a unique perception of the experience.
If you come to see me as a client with loss of sexual desire issues, I would begin by taking a full history of your life, including family/upbringing, psychological, physical, and social health, and what and when things have begun to change. It is important to get the full picture, because as we have just established, sexuality can be affected by any area of your life! You can take this same approach in observing what is going on in your own life. You can evaluate what is happening in the different domains of your life, and how it all aligns with your goals and expectations of your sexuality, and your life in general. You can try to make some adjustments if it is within your ability. But as always, speaking with a professional would provide great insight and help to take the burden off of you.